Pregnancy is supposed to be one of the most beautiful and joyous times of a woman’s life. By God’s grace, it will be. But it’s not easy for everyone, it’s not always easy to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and deliver a healthy baby. It’s something no one really talks about until it happens to you, and then it feels like we belong to a club that we never wanted to join.
No loss is easy. A loss is a loss no matter how far along you are.
I feel like it’s particularly cruel when it takes years to get pregnant to begin with and when you finally wrap your mind around the idea that you are actually pregnant, you find that it isn’t meant to be. Haven’t we struggled enough? Apparently not.
It’s further complicated when you finally get pregnant, have a child, and then can’t have a second child. They call that secondary infertility in case you were wondering.
Loss takes on a new meaning when you deliver a stillborn child. There are not words. My daughter was born 3 years ago today at 25 weeks. Until you hear the silence during the ultrasound and then the eery quietness of the delivery room, you will never know what that hole in your heart feels like. Dealing with the anger, disappointment, and grief is more than any woman should have to bear. You are not the same person you were before, no matter how much you believe that she wouldn’t have had the life you wanted for her.
The loss of a child before they are born into this world is heartbreaking and soul-wrenching. It’s the thing no woman ever wants to think about. It can tear apart a family and a marriage. It can make you doubt yourself, your beliefs, your faith and your worth.
If you are lucky, like I was, you have an amazing family to support you at your worst and deal with your anger for as long as it takes, you have a husband that stays no matter how hard it is for both of you to deal with your feelings, and if you are extremely lucky, one day you will look into the blue eyes of your baby girl and wonder if her sister picked her especially for you.
But if the day ever comes that you find yourself in the midst of pregnancy loss and you don’t have someone to talk to, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org I will walk through that storm with you.